Their faces fill the screen, twisting into expressions of pleasure that out of context could be mistaken as pain. Their sounds, in unison, tell us in no uncertain terms of perfectly timed, highly explosive orgasms. Hollywood perpetuates the myth that every couple, even on first coital encounter, will experience simultaneous orgasms. In reality, however, the majority of women are unable to climax during intercourse. Statistics will vary, but it is often stated that only thirty-five percent of orgasmic women are able to get there with penile-vaginal thrusting.
Countless women, fearing that they are somehow inadequate for not being at that peak when their partner is, fake their orgasms as their partners ejaculate. Most women do not fake orgasms, however, so countless men feel inferior because their partners were not ready when they were. Men end up wishing they were bigger or able to last longer.
While there are many books describing a wide variety of coital positions, few evaluate the gymnastic configurations in terms of effectiveness in bringing the woman to orgasm. Sure, simultaneous orgasms are nice, but there are many ways to achieve mutual satisfaction. A man can orally or manually bring his partner to orgasm either before or after intercourse. There are also several coital positions in which the man can caress his partner’s clitoris with his fingers, or she can reach down and stimulate herself manually or with her favorite vibrator. Still, however, many couples would like to learn how the woman can reach her orgasm during intercourse.
Let’s begin with some basic anatomy. For the vast majority of women the clitoris is much more sensitive than the vaginal canal. Remember that women’s external genitals are called the vulva, and the tube inside the body is called the vagina. Between the lips of the vulva are the clitoris and, about an inch below that, the vaginal opening. In many positions of intercourse, the man’s penis enters the vagina directly, completely missing the sensitive clitoris. In addition, with deep thrusting the bodies separate on the "back stroke." If thirty-five percent of women are making it, some are doing something right or, most likely, everyone does not fit the same mold. Some women can stop reading now, but the majority should continue.
There have been many theories about female orgasms during intercourse. It was proposed that some women could reach orgasm during intercourse because the movement of the penis in and out of the vaginal opening was pulling on the surrounding tissue and causing the sensitive clitoris to slide back and forth under its hood. Then came a distinction between orgasms felt in the pelvic floor (PC) muscles, those felt only as uterine contractions, and those "blended orgasms" that involved both. That evolved into a distinction between clitoral, vaginal and blended orgasms. Then the "discovery" and reporting of the G-spot was thrown in to complicate things, because there is still a lot of misinformation about this magical spot, and it is not as sensitive for some women as it is for others.
Somewhere in the evolution of ideas, the relatively complicated concept of the "coital alignment technique" (CAT position) emerged (see Eichel, E. & Nobile, P., The Perfect Fit, 1993, Signet Books). It is possible to simplify the valuable lessons of The Perfect Fit, for essentially what emerged was the obvious . . . in order for a woman to reach orgasm during intercourse, she must have her clitoris in contact with something and it must be stimulated. Think about it. In the most popular position, the man-on-top "missionary position," the woman’s legs are spread wide and the man is low between her thighs. He has a straight shot into her vaginal opening and his pelvic thrusts move him in and out of his partner’s vagina, one inch below her clitoris! At this point many women realize that the bedroom ceiling needs to be repainted. Now, let’s make some modifications. When the man is on top and has made penetration, he needs to slide his body up higher on his partner’s so that the shaft of his erection goes down over her clitoris. If they then keep their pubic bones in contact (as recommended in The Perfect Fit) and both rock with short pelvic thrusts, his penis will be sliding over her clitoris. Since his thrusts are short, his stimulation is decreased and he should, therefore, be able to last longer, and since her stimulation is increased, she should be able to progress steadily toward her orgasm. It often happens that the woman will orgasm first and, as she experiences her final orgasmic contractions, the man can then increase the speed and distance of his thrusting and follow her closely with his climax. This works every bit as well if the woman is on top, lying on her partner’s body. After penetration she slides down on his body, bringing her clitoris in contact with the base of his erection. Now, if they rock on each other’s pubic bones she can receive very effective stimulation and increase the probability of reaching orgasm before or as her partner reaches his. In fact, a man on his back usually can last a little longer than in any position in which he has to support his own weight.
If a woman is on top and she is going up and down, it might feel great to the man, but every time she goes up she has lifted her clitoris into the air. In addition, the man is likely to be thrusting also and the long strokes will bring him steadily toward his climax. Let’s immobilize the man . . . have him lie passive and relaxed on his back. His partner mounts and straddles his body, guides the penetration and sits down on him. She might hesitate for just a minute, for that initial penetration can be quite exciting to a man. Once he is settled, she should lean forward until she feels her clitoris pressing against the base of his erection. Now if the man remains passive, the woman can slide – not up and down, but more front to back. She will be in control of the angle and of the speed. Most women will be leaning forward supporting themselves on extended arms, with hands either on her partner’s chest or on the bed. Some women can lie their chest down on their partner’s, staying pressed back to keep the clitoris against his erection and rotating the pelvis up and down to rub against that firm, conveniently located shaft. Again – it is not unusual for the woman to reach climax first, whereupon she can lift her body enough for the man to thrust and bring himself to orgasm.
Other positions are novel and exciting, and as mentioned, fingers and toys can get into the act. However, if a woman is orgasmic but has never experienced one during intercourse and wants to try, she should forget about getting her legs up on his shoulders or standing on her head. Try the recommended positions above, remembering the importance of clitoral contact and the importance of the woman having primary control of angle and speed. Don’t forget, however, that your goal is always to have fun as you explore a variety of exciting options.